Women with Breast Cancer Wish You Knew

Stained Breast Cancer Cells

1. First, Just Listen Say Women with Breast Cancer

It’s a shock to learn that a friend or loved one has breast cancer. It’s natural to want to know all the details. But a lot of questions can be tough for women with Breast Cancer to face. They may not have all the answers yet. Accept what they're sharing. They understand you don’t know what to say. But instead of, "You're a fighter; you're going to beat this,” try, "I can't imagine how you must feel, I'm here to listen if you want to talk."

2. Don’t Say, 'Call Me If You Need Me'

You’ll probably never get the call. It’s better to be specific about what you can do. Say “I can help you with housework on Tuesday or Thursday,” or, “I'm making some casseroles, is there something you would prefer or any ingredient I should avoid?” If they're recovering from surgery, offer to wash their hair since reaching above their head is nearly impossible.

3. Kids Need TLC

Kids are kids whether a parent is dealing with cancer or not. Offer to drive your friend’s children to school and shuttle them to soccer practice. Help make things as “normal” as possible. Many teachers and other adults don’t know what to say to kids with a sick parent -- so they say nothing. Be someone they can turn to. Tell them that you’ll listen when they want to talk.

Mom watching son go to school

4. They Need a 'Wingman'

It’s easy for someone with breast cancer to get overwhelmed by the decisions they have to make. They might need your help to understand it all. Offer to go along to important doctor’s appointments to take notes and ask questions. Having another set of ears in the room may ease their mind. You can offer to drive them to chemotherapy or radiation sessions, too.

A picture of two Breast Cancer survivors

5. Reconstruction is NOT a Boob Job

A mastectomy -- the removal of one or both breasts -- is an ordeal. Many women are heartbroken to lose such intimate body parts. Reconstruction can rebuild the shape and look of their chest, but it’s not the same as breast enhancement. It can take many surgeries before it’s all over. Some women decide against doing it at all. Whatever your loved one chooses, accept it. Don’t try to change their mind.

6. Cancer Doesn’t Ask Your Age

If someone in their 20s or 30s has the disease, they're probably tired of people saying, “You’re so young and active, how can you have cancer?” They may feel isolated because many people in their shoes are much older. When they feel comfortable, urge them to find a group of young people with breast cancer who can understand what they're going through.

7. Men Get It, Too

More than 2,500 men are diagnosed with breast cancer each year in the U.S. If it’s a guy you know, don’t question why they have a “woman’s disease” or insist it must be the wrong diagnosis. Men with breast cancer may need even more support because they feel out of place. Most importantly, encourage the men in your life to get any breast lump checked by a doctor right away.

8. Cancer Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All

There are many different kinds of breast cancer. Some grow fast, some grow slow. Some are harder to treat than others. You probably won’t know exactly which type your friend has -- they might not even know right away. So don’t say, “My friend had breast cancer and it was horrible,” or “My aunt’s cancer was no big deal.” Each case is unique, and people respond differently to treatment.